We still lived at the old house at the time. I had a little blue Schwinn bicycle that I absolutely loved to ride. I was riding down the sidewalk towards my house, weaving the bike from side to side when I lost control of it. The handlebars slipped from my hands. The front wheel of the bike turned to the right, and I fell forward towards the left. The momentum slammed my two front teeth down on the sidewalk. Two men came out of their houses to see if I was alright. I remember hearing one of them say..."It looks bad...it looks really bad..." They offered to walk me back home, but trooper that I was, I shook my head and walked my bike the rest of the way by myself. I put my bike away in the garage and headed up the stairs to the second story of the house, crying all the way.
Mom heard me crying and turned around to see what was the matter. Her eyes flew open wide in shock. She spun around and grabbed the handset of the phone. I knew she was calling the dentist. I was terrified of the dentist. I grabbed hold of the cord and tried to pull the phone out of her hands. A tug of war ensued, which Mom easily won. It wasn't long before I found myself in the dentist's chair, slipping into unconsciousness for the two root canals I needed to have done. My left front tooth had only been chipped, but the right one had been demolished. They didn't have the white polymer fillings that are so popular this day and age back then, so they filled both teeth with silver filling. They actually used the silver to reconstruct what was missing of my right tooth.
I woke up from the anesthesia, crying my eyes out. My parents took me to a nearby restaurant to get something to drink. They told me to just stay put in the booth, and not to get up. There was a beautiful painting of horses on the wall that I just had to take a closer look at. I staggered out of the booth and made it halfway to the picture before my legs gave out. People were staring at me, wondering what could possibly be wrong with me. Thoroughly embarrassed, my parents helped me up and hurried me out of there. They took me to a fast food restaurant and bought me a chocolate milkshake instead. I guess they figured it would be a lot harder for me to get out of the car.
The silver filling was very obvious, and I was horrendously self conscious of my new appearance. I stopped smiling. I already had enough things to be teased about at school, so this turn of events was disastrous. I had to go to a speech therapist to learn how to talk without lisping. I no longer smiled openly for my school pictures...I grinned. The photographers would do everything they could to get me to flash my pearly whites, but I no longer had pearly whites to flash. I'm sure money was a big part of the reason my parents never got my teeth fixed, but I know for a fact it wasn't the only reason...at least for Dad. Anything that would make me less attractive to the boys was a plus in his book. He never had any intention of getting them fixed for that reason alone.
All through Junior High and all through High School, I hated my appearance so much that I loathed myself. Not only wasn't I thin, I had ugly teeth. I withdrew even deeper into myself when I wanted so much to come out of my shell. While I was attending college, the silver filling in my right tooth fell out. I had no choice but to go to a local dentist. I explained what had happened. He scraped as much of the silver filling out as he could, then filled my tooth with the new white polymer. He shaped it to look like a normal tooth. When he was finished, I couldn't believe my eyes...it was the closest thing to having a natural looking tooth that I'd had in years. He didn't even charge me.
Unfortunately, the polymer expanded and cracked the tooth. A chip of my real tooth popped off, leaving a hole above the filling that became difficult to keep clean. There were many hairline cracks through the remaining tooth as well. Also, as the enamel eroded over the years, my left tooth became darker and darker. I stopped smiling...again. Now, my left tooth is not only dark, it is very painful at the gum line. My right tooth still has the hole and the hairline cracks. I have complete strangers telling me to smile all the time, and all I will do is grin at them. I even have a t-shirt that says "I Smile, Because You've All Finally Driven Me Crazy!" I forgot I was wearing it one day. This guy actually called me on it because I wasn't smiling. I laughed, immediately embarrassed because I know he had seen my horrible teeth.
I also used to love to sing. I sang at home, I sang at school, I sang in choir...music was my life. I still remember word for word the first song I ever sang that my dad recorded, a song about a happy cowboy. I remember a music class in Grade School where we were learning about rests. When the puppy was in the doghouse, you clapped. No puppy, no clapping. I sang every single chance I got, and it brought me such joy. People were always complimenting me on what a good voice I had. Over the years, not only have the condition of my front teeth deteriorated, they have shifted as well. I can no longer sing clearly, and I spray and spit saliva when I do. It broke my heart, but I had no choice but to give it up. If I can't sing well, then I'm not going to sing at all. I am a shadow of my former self in that respect.
One of the first thing people notice about you is your smile. How I wish the condition of my teeth could match my personality. For once in my life, I would love to be able to open my mouth and smile, laugh and get to know people without being ashamed about the way that my teeth look. I have been ashamed for nearly forty years. When I think about how much my appearance has held me back over the years, all of the lost opportunities, all of the lost self-esteem, it's a crime. Dentistry should be available to everyone, not just the wealthy or the well-insured. Everyone should have the right to a healthy smile. It's something I have always dreamed of...but I have learned through bitter experience that dreams don't always come true...
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